Things that freak me out, Part I

Cow-Molesting Cop Gets Off

The judge in the case, James J. Morley, just before going home and beginning an inevitable slide into full-blown alcoholism, ruled that there was no way to tell if the cows Melia was molesting were in fact being "tormented." Yes, you heard that correctly. Who's to say they didn't like it?

"If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,'" Judge Morley explained, instantly winning the award for the most disturbing thing anyone's said ever.

Prosecutors, on the other hand, argue that Melia's actions were a "crime against nature."